The Lies Postpartum Depression and Anxiety Tell You
“I never should have had a child.”
“I will never feel like myself again.” “I’m going crazy.”
“If I tell others what is going on they will take my child away, but I deserve to have my child taken away”.
“I am the worst mother ever.”
“This must just be how motherhood is- misery mixed with a little bit of joy”.
I could go on and on with the lies of mental illness. Mom’s who suffer from postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) can present with a wide array of symptoms. As a therapist I ask my clients to describe what depression, or what anxiety looks like for them individually. Therapists are trained to do this because it does not look the same for everyone. For one Mama it can present with sadness, hopelessness, and frequent bouts of crying and for the next Mama it can be increased irritability, rage, and poor concentration, along with other symptoms. Mental illness is tricky; especially after having a baby. As a new mom, even a seasoned mother, all the changes that come with the territory of pregnancy and motherhood can make your head spin. “Is this supposed to be happening? Am I supposed to feel this way? Is the baby ok? I don’t remember this from my last pregnancy?” And again this is another list that can go on and on. One symptom that you will see no matter what the diagnosis is or no matter what the main pervasive symptoms are is the lies. The thoughts that occur with postpartum women are many and often times they are sad, depressing, worrisome and scary, but they are also untrue.
When you are struggling with anxiety and depression, on top of being over tired, physically healing, learning how to care for and soothe a brand new healing baby, the thoughts that can occur can be a trap. These thoughts trap women into thinking that they will never be ok again in their life. They tell women that they are damaged or that they are out of control. The thoughts tell women things that are simply lies. They will enslave moms to feelings of being terrified, isolated, alone, and full of guilt and shame. The lies make these moms believe that if they open up and share the truth of what they are going through things will only get worse. They will be judged, or misunderstood or even worse be labeled as a danger to their child and lose their child. These lies that come with the territory of mental illness are brutal and often times relentless. They don’t let up and once you start to believe one of them it’s like they bring their friends along to join in on the fun, seeing if you will allow the whole gang of them to rent out space in your mind.
Here’s the thing, these thoughts are lies, and these lies are sneaky. Think back to a time where you discovered that someone lied to you. A time where you believed them without a doubt and then remember the betrayal you felt when you found out the truth. The truth probably changed things in your life. Once you found out the truth you likely had different behaviors and actions, you likely had new thoughts about the situation or the person that you didn’t have before. You likely felt differently too. The lies of depression and anxiety are a betrayal as well. They will have you behaving in ways that are not typical for you, they will perpetuate negative and irrational thinking, and they can leave you feeling a sense of desperation that life can never be good again.
So, how do we fight these lies when they feel so true? The first step is to listen to yourself. If you think something is wrong, it likely is. Once you are able to identify that something just isn’t right don’t feel you have to solve it on your own. Speak to a professional, a maternal mental health therapist, your OB/GYN, a postpartum doula or your midwife and tell them what is going on. Allow them to educate you on what you are experiencing and to point you in the direction to get help and get better. Remember that all of the PMADs are treatable. You can and will get better with the right help. You can enjoy motherhood and not have to suffer your way through it. One of the most effective interventions for mothers is being educated on what the symptoms are, what the condition is, and that recovery is possible and what recovery can look like. This information helps women to be able to dispute the lies of irrational thoughts and feelings with truth. Once informed with actual facts about their condition they become empowered to fight for themselves and begin their healing process.
Truth will be one of the most powerful tools you can have on your side when you are dealing with a PMAD. Make sure that you are seeking out the truth from trusted professionals and get information that can start your journey to healing.